AWAY WITH THE SPOUSES!

When you and your spouse exit the house

To spend a nice night on the town.

Most times there's just two -- the spouse, and the you

Heading out, in a suit and a gown.

But what if there's more -- maybe six, maybe four?

Are we husbands and wives, or just spouses?

One spouse, fourteen spouses -- what an odd mess!

Do we say, "one mouse, fourteen mouses"?

No we don't, I assure you -- That's not what we say.

The plural of mouse -- it's just mice.

So if mouse becomes mice, when there's two or there's more

Then the plural of spouse, should be SPICE!

"We'll be there by eight, and we'll all bring our spice!"

It's witty, it's fun, and it's flirty.

"One hundred attended, and the spice all dressed nice!"

It's different, it's cute, but not dirty.

As they say, every word has exception.

Ten dice, minus nine, is a "die", not a "douse".

But it's true, on the converse, to turn it again.

If your kid has one lice, it's a louse.

So, I say we change it, let's ditch the word "spouses",

And put the word "SPICE" in its place.

Let's petition and march, and wail before Congress --

For our spouses, SPICE rests the case!

To Be Happy

“What do you need to be happy?” I asked her.
“Just you,” she replied.
So we got married and we were happy.
But I knew she could be still happier.

“What do you need to be happy?” I asked again.
“Still you,” she answered.
“But a house of our own would be nice, too.
“With a fenced yard and a big, fluffy cat.”

“What do you need to be happy?” I repeated
As the cat walked through the gate, and into our home.
“Something to show we were here,” she replied.
So we brightened the world with two gorgeous children, who laugh.

“What do you need to be happy?” I wondered out loud.
“You beside me always,” she replied.
“And a soft little puppy to sleep with us, too.”
The spaniel grew, chased tennis balls, and chomped on ice cubes.

“What do you need to be happy?” I continued.
“You,” she cried softly, “and another dog to fill the hole in my heart.”
(The spaniel was taken from us far too soon)
So we got a red Cocker, that we used to think was huge.

“What do you need to be happy?” I wanted to know.
“I still need you,” she replied.
“And one more dog. Fill my life with puppy smells and wet noses.”
So we brought home a huge grin with big feet, all wrapped in soft gray fur.

“What do you need to be happy?” I asked again.
“Still you,” she replied, “and a couple other small things.”
“Books, and a place to read them.
“Quiet time, a computer, and a supply of Diet Coke.”

“What do you need to be happy?” I asked one more time.
“Some day this will all be gone,” she said.
“Whatever we had, have, or don’t have – I’ll still need you.”
“And what about you?” she asked. “What do you need to be happy?”“I’m always happy,” I answered, “whenever I’m with you.”

The Search for a Suitable Gift

Last year’s waffle iron was a big mistake,
I had known it from the start.
I gave it from the pit of my stomach
As opposed to the depths of my heart.

The year before that was a strike out, as well
For days after, I tiptoed on eggs.
It was a ladies shaver – deluxe model – blue,
But it implied that she had hairy legs.

The perfume I gave her just three years ago
Seemed to more or less hit the mark.
But it seldom gets out of the cabinet,
And she won’t put it on after dark.

Some years back I bought some great lingerie,
All of lace, silk, and pink filigree.
But I started to feel so guilty,
It was really less for her, than for me.

A big box of chocolates was my gift to my wife
Five years ago on this day.
But with her on a diet after Christmas and New Years,
She asked me to take them away.

“Jewelry’s always in season,” said the girl at the counter.
“We have some nice earrings and bracelets.”
But my pockets are empty, she has the checkbook
And our credit cards surely can’t take it.

So THIS year I thought I would give her a rose –
Just one, red long-stemmed, that’s a winner.
But in case that seems cheap, and she thinks me a creep,
I can still always take her to dinner.