The Search for a Suitable Gift

Last year’s waffle iron was a big mistake,
I had known it from the start.
I gave it from the pit of my stomach
As opposed to the depths of my heart.

The year before that was a strike out, as well
For days after, I tiptoed on eggs.
It was a ladies shaver – deluxe model – blue,
But it implied that she had hairy legs.

The perfume I gave her just three years ago
Seemed to more or less hit the mark.
But it seldom gets out of the cabinet,
And she won’t put it on after dark.

Some years back I bought some great lingerie,
All of lace, silk, and pink filigree.
But I started to feel so guilty,
It was really less for her, than for me.

A big box of chocolates was my gift to my wife
Five years ago on this day.
But with her on a diet after Christmas and New Years,
She asked me to take them away.

“Jewelry’s always in season,” said the girl at the counter.
“We have some nice earrings and bracelets.”
But my pockets are empty, she has the checkbook
And our credit cards surely can’t take it.

So THIS year I thought I would give her a rose –
Just one, red long-stemmed, that’s a winner.
But in case that seems cheap, and she thinks me a creep,
I can still always take her to dinner.